The Drama of the Gifted Child

Every child has a legitimate narcissistic need to be noticed, understood, taken seriously, and respected by his mother.. . . . provided that the mother is really looking at the unique, small, helpless being and not projecting her own introjects onto the child, nor her own expectations, fears, and plans for the child. In that case, the child would not find himself in his mother’s face but rather the mother’s own predicaments. This child would remain without a mirror, and for the rest of his life would be seeking this mirror in vain.

The core of this book explores a dilemma even well-meaning parents encounter while of raising kids. It impressed on me how our actions can traumatise our children. We might be unattentive to that very human desires children have to be noticed. Or maybe in a bid to be good parents, we might subdue some expression of our children. The impact of this can be cyclical, as its results in our children further traumatising theirs and so on.

There is some element of madness required to live in a civilised society. It is impossible to conceive a society that enables all variant of human expression and thrives. Some must be trampled upon, others suppressed in order for its inhabitants to constructively push their civilisation in the direction of what is considered progress. But I think the vision is of a society that brews contented and well-rounded inhabitants. To do that, a society must learn to translate all the variant expressions of its citizens into actions that can be coordinated towards achieving the goal.

Achieving this starts at home with the parents and guardians understanding the dilemma of being a child.